Meh

I'm tired. Tired of trying. Brett says I think (and read) too much about dating/relationships...and he's right. The vast majority of my time these days is consumed by it. I've met some wonderful women through eHarmony...but I've also put way too much time and effort into relationships I'm not entirely sure I want to pursue. According to the books (I know...I know) this is normal to question and doubt relationships. It's the "second stage" of a dating relationship. But, I've never been presented with the conundrum I'm in now. All of this is so new to me, I'm not sure that I'm fully able to comprehend all the permutations of combinations that go into deciding who to date. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But, at the same time...am I putting others before me so far as to deny my own feelings? What do I really feel about everyone? Am I so caught up in the process that I can't look objectively at the whole thing and realize that my fatigue may be a sign?

It's scary to think I'm actually looking forward to going back to work this week so that I can get a break from going out with people. I've had fun, but I really don't know if I can keep this up. I'm ready to be 6 months from now with just one girl...and I don't know if I've even met her yet. No offense to the ladies I've dated so far...I don't really know you well enough to make a choice just yet. One insightful woman I had the chance to have dinner with this week pointed out that I prayed that I would have the chance to date responsibly earlier this year...and as always God didn't disappoint. But really, couldn't He have...spread them out a little? I know He works in really strange ways...but this is bordering on insanity. Now, I know that He doesn't send anything our way that we're not capable of handling, but sometimes I wish I could see my potential the way He does...

Anyway...it's 2am...and time for bed.

Oh, that Arm & Hammer baking soda toothpaste...highly recommended. I got some tonight and it lived up to expectations. My mouth feels quite clean.

Frustration, all I ever wanted...Frustration, happy to get away

Did you ever have one of those weeks where you felt like even though you did so much...you didn't get anything done? It's been a long tumultuous two weeks. I worked 6 days in a row, went on dates 3 days in a row...and yesterday worked again.

Houston, we've had a problem...

It's been incredibly hard going out with more than one person at a time. (In the grander sense, not literally) Essentially, I'm doing what I hated about the guys who I saw my friends going out with in college. I feel like it's been good for me, but at the same time I can't help feeling like I'm selling short the relationships I'm developing with these women. I've done my best to be honest with all parties involved...but still...it's frustrating. I've never before been presented with the opportunity, let alone the desire, to get to know more than one person at a time in a "dating" kind of setting.

In the back of my head I keep hoping that they'll lose interest in me and I won't have to make the decision of who I ultimately want to date regularly...and then...what if none of them work out? I've already made mistakes in the process...but that's to be expected when you've "come out of retirement" after several years... I really don't know what to do at this point...it's a mess. But, as they say...don't hate the player, hate the game. And I really, really hate the game...

Jane, get me off this crazy thing...called love.

In contrast...it's been really good for my self esteem/confidence. On more than one occasion someone has told me I'm not what they would consider shy and or fat. Slowly I'm buying into those statements...it's just been a long time since I've felt that way. As wise woman told me, even after the weight is gone, you still see yourself as you appeared before...despite what the scale, your clothes...and your friends tell you.

To Quote Mr. Data....who was in turn quoting a Mr. Montgomery Scott...

It is green.

I kind of like this color...we'll see how long it lasts.

More useful posting to follow in the evening.

Movie time!

More Than Meets the Eye...

So by now, most guys who were even remotely aware of their surroundings in the 1980's are aware that there is a new live-action Transformers movie coming out on my birthday. (7/4/7) Today I was made aware that Mute Math has recorded the title track for the film! Yeah...I was a little excited. They're completely amazing...

In other news...I hate dating. Well, okay...not really. It's just really hard to figure out what you want in a relationship partner, and everyone seems to be so busy these days...I wonder if it's my 3-4 day work week...or the fact that I typically make time to be with people that makes it hard for me to accept that people don't "have time" to get together for lunch or whatever...even talk on the phone. Oh, the drama...again, not really. But it's fun to agonize over it! And by fun, I mean...not at all. *sigh*

TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN FREAKING DISGUISE! YEAH!

I'm just a little excited...I'm even asking for some action figures for my birthday (yes, I'll be 27...) And I wonder why I'm still single...

Clarification

It's been brought to my attention that "Practice Date" was a really crappy way to put it. I guess I was trying to say that I wanted to just date people. Nothing really exclusive right off the bat, at least for right now. I've spent a lot of time and effort trying to become a guy Christian women would like to get to know...and I don't want to rush into another relationship only to tank it in its infancy because of ghosts of the past. So yeah...I hope that clears things up...at least a little. I know I can have a clumsy way with words sometimes. Okay...a lot of the time...

Oh, Bombarded was a lousy choice in words too...I should just delete the entire thing...

Girls Girls Girls...

This week has been strange. I've literally been bombarded with women who want to get to know me. I really do wonder if there's something in the water. I've also been reading Mars and Venus on a Date (a fantastic read for you relationship-phobes out there...) and it's been a good experience overall. It's really opened my eyes to the perils of moving too quickly into a relationship. I realized that I've sabotaged previous relationships that might have had potential because I skipped stages of dating.

I'm really trying to do right with this round of dating, so I'm taking things very slowly...almost painfully slow. But, I've found it's more rewarding in the long run. I've gotten the chance to get to know a lot of wonderful women without the looming cloud of physical intimacy overshadowing the newly formed relationship. I've touched on this before, but I really want to do right this time around. I've screwed up way too many relationships in the past because of random make outs... It's been a long time, and I'm ready to get back into the game (put me in Coach!) and do things right this time.

But, that means a lot of practice dates with lots of different women. I've tried to explain this to all the involved parties, and I think for the most part, everyone is okay with it. But, there are always going to be hang ups and bumps in the road. That's a given...but, armed with my ever expanding knowledge of the complex infrastructure known as the female mind, I think I'll be okay.

Welcome, to a new state of consciousness...

So I finally decided to open up a public blog on blogger instead of having to wade through the interface over at MySpace any further.

This is it. There is no more. It's well...black. So here's to another real blog! Finally...

In other news, I've been bailed out on by not one, but two girls this week. I'm awesome. But, I got to see Knocked Up yesterday instead of going on an ice cream date. And tonight...well...tonight is still up in the air. So we'll see...

Anyway, welcome!